Mr. Pfeiffer

Portrayed by Thom Sharp in the season 2 episode "It's a Miserable Life," Mr. Pfeiffer is the director of the funeral home that Dorothy, Sophia, Rose and Blanche visit to inquire about burying their mean neighbor, Frieda Claxton.

After giving them his business card, he notes that his name is pronounced "P-feiffer" the P is not silent. At first, Mr. Pfeiffer thinks that Sophia is their mother and they're planning ahead for her, and Sophia responds: "Hey, Pfeiffer, how would you like a punch in your p-face!" They eventually settle for a $200- pine box with a flower wreath, but Frieda Claxton gets cremated by mistake, and Mr. Pfeiffer tells the girls: "We never should have hired a high school student!" He gives the urn with Frieda Claxton's ashes to the girls, saying: "We can't keep her."